You have probably not worked with most of your fellow colleagues but carry opinions or perceptions about them. These perceptions would be based on your casual observations, few interactions or maybe what you have heard about them from others. It is therefore, possible that a goal oriented, meticulous and diligent person, who is frivolous in his /her public interactions, is likely to be perceived as laid-back and non-serious by those who do not actually work with him/her. Is it fair – No! Does it happen – Yes!
Is what we are perceived as, more important than what we really are? In fast moving world that we live in today, do people have the time to figure out who we really are? If our impressions are more important than us, then did Shakespeare mean it literally when he said, “All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely actors”?
The idea of perceptions being reality forms the basis of a sociological and social psychology theory called “Impression management” which is the process through which people try to control the impressions other people form of them. However, like anything concerning people – Impression management is not an easy thing to do!
Consider this: A person who smokes working in a company where most seniors look down upon smoking carries a risk of creating a negative impression, whereas in a company where, most seniors smoke themselves, is more likely to be accepted, indicating a favorable impression! Should smokers, be careful before they light up in the former company and non-smokers fake smoking in the latter company?
Authors like Dale Carnegie and Stephen Covey focus on reality, i.e. they advice to work on your inner-development. Impression management, according to them is a quick fix solution, results of which are fast, but not lasting. This makes intuitive sense as well.
I could not help but wonder if the theory of perceptions being reality is true, and if it is true, then is it the most desirable thing? Reality is no doubt important. That is why we are told to focus on the so called “inner beauty” of the people we meet. But then, I do happen to know a lot of externally beautiful people scoring over those with the much touted “inner beauty”. Are masses not practicing what is being preached? Or is what is being preached out-dated or too idealistic? Do we need to replace this old-age teaching of “It’s what inside that matters!” to “It’s what apparent that matters!” What is more important – reality or perceptions?
Exercise:
The picture contains an old woman and a young one. But we can only see one of them at a time. The same line represents lips to those who see the old lady and a necklace to those who see the young one, old lady’s left eye is young one’s ear! In life as well, different attributes that we possess mean different things to different people.
There are some people who lack the ability to shift between the two. Try as much as you like but you might never be able to convince to them that there’s another possibility, another side to the story!